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Archive for January, 2009

pov HEARING

We have already talked about smell, touch, and sight  (2 times). Let us move forward with hearing before the wheels fall off!

 

How many of you have nurtured a long-distance relationship?  It is often difficult to feel connected to what is going on in your significant other’s life while he/she is away, especially when you are reduced to trying to catch inflections in the voice to determine true emotions or a pet-the-dog response.  In my situation, I am usually talking to my husband during his late night.  Therefore, he is always tired, more like rode hard and put up wet.  When we chat on the internet it is usually past midnight his time, and he is slow to respond, or not really getting my humor.  This is what our marriage has been reduced to since his departure.  And when we do speak, it is usually on a five second delay!  I no longer hear him laugh.  On the rare occasion that he does laugh during the call, I usually talk over it. 

For those of us who have cultivated relationships online before, and then met that person, we are often disappointed that they are not what they seemed. When I was in college I often met guys online, talked to them for weeks, talked on the phone for a while, eventually meeting in person.  I was never satisfied with what I ended up with.  I imagined something else entirely, even though I had seen pictures and heard their voice.  Their actions never matched what I had imagined, and that is why the whole online dating thing turned me off.  With my husband (whom I met in person, not online), I know his actions.  I know that if he makes a certain sound, I can see the way his nose and mouth move in unison.  Even though we have all this distance, I can still see him in my mind’s eye.  Since I am not hearing all the usual sounds, rare loud and obnoxious moments, his laugh, his breathing, its harder to remember him in full.  It is harder to remember him sitting on the couch next to me, growling at the dogs (literally).

 

Okay – back to hearing folks, STAY ON TASK!  Aside from missing that large part of him and his personality, I also hear other things.  I hear the refrigerator kick on and I wonder if it has always done that.  Is something wrong with it, will it soon break too?  I hear knocks and bumps at night when we are all in bed.  The dogs go absolutely nuts with the over-protectiveness since he has left. They bark at the snow falling, water whooshing through the pipes, the dishwasher in its final cycle, or even one of the kids in their room.  Until my DH left, they had never been so attentive to the sounds of our home.  The TV sounds louder when I am alone, the phone never rings, and the kids only want to talk to me while I am sleeping.  There’s no manly voice at the dinner table, there’s no one else to talk to when I can’t sleep, and no one to whisper sweet-nothings into my ear. 

We run the TV less, and the radio more.  The computer is constantly alerting me of a new email, or someone logging in.  It has to be set on a bajillion now that he’s deployed, just in case he gets on to talk to me.  Instead of warm baritone sounds, my world is filled with the cold shrieks of the adolescents, dogs, and the computer.

On the plus side – I am more likely to achieve a QUIET house with him gone.

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I forgot to mention what my eyes take in the most – the TELEVISION!  I find that even though I may enjoy certain shows, I refuse to watch them while my DH is not around.  We usually watch CSI, Criminal Minds, NCIS, The Unit, (geez, we watch a lot of CBS), and other shows of the same nature.  We absolutely love to watch Paranormal State, but I easily get the heebie-jeevies and sometimes cannot watch a full episode (even with him).  I figure it’s the late hour watching combined with the subject of the shows that set me on edge, causing me to willingly miss episodes.  I have finally figured out a way around that, and for the last few mornings I have watched previously recorded episodes of Paranormal State.  That way it loses the freaky ambiance of a night time viewing, and I am not missing episodes of one of my absolutely favorite shows (because I am a scaredy-cat)!  Maybe I will get to play catch up on all those other shows too, that way when the plot shifts, I will be able to keep up when we are watching them again next Fall.

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POV: sight

As I move forward with this little project, I take stock of what is left to blog about.  After a few minutes of racking my brain, I realize that we have taste and hearing left to discuss.  I am contemplating doing a sixth entry on the Sixth Sense.   No, not the movie, but that uncanny ability for some wives to know when something has happened even before the Rear-D finds out!  However, I don’t have too much information on it – so I may leave it at the once sentence above.

 

Moving on – SIGHT

 

Have you ever noticed that the thing you desire most becomes the thing you notice most while walking around town?  Before I really found out that I was pregnant with my son, I remember walking around Wal-Mart one night and seeing each and every individual lady in the store with a child, or pregnant.  I noticed this and wondered if I was pregnant simply because of what I was noticing in public, and sure enough two days later I found out I was pregnant! 

Anytime the DH leaves I see an abundance of Soldiers.  Obviously not as many as I would see if he was here, but I don’t usually notice them when he’s here.  Now that he’s gone, the 10% (or so) of the post that is still here seem to be stalking me!  They are everywhere, plus the whole US Air Force base decides to come to Fairbanks on the days I choose to shop.  It’s not enough that I notice Soldiers, but they are all in uniform.  Almost as if they sleep in their ACUs.  I realize this is ridiculous, but I can’t help what I see, and what I see are new GI’s fresh out of basic, banged up GI’s coming back from War early, guys on R&R holding hands with their wives at the movies, or taking their children to the doctor.  I am happy that some Soldiers are home with their wives, but I am a little saddened that it’s not my DH.  I have SEVEN more months until I can see my DH, and that is just for R&R.   I realize we signed up for this, and that is something I have accepted, but it does not make the road we chose any easier.

Aside from that aspect, there’s another side-effect to the deployment.  Since I do not have a strapping young man in front of me every evening to ogle at, I have to take this activity outdoors.  I must apologize to every attractive scientist that walks through the doors of my work, or cute checkout boys, great looking professors, really, I do not discriminate.  I will admit to having looked, and then immediately deciding whether to continue admiring or disregard.  My ogling has no bounds!  There used to be a really attractive (read: hott) gate guard on post, and I would intentionally maneuver traffic so that I could be in his lane.  It has been years since I have seen him, but I know that I can just call up my fmom and say “hott gate guard” to get a conversation started.  I do not censor myself in the company of other wives.  My husband is aware of my activities, and he finds it laughable and harmless. I hold no shame, but may blush if called out in public on my activities.  Unless, that is, we are in a club.  I am worse when I go out dancing (which is a rare, but fun occasion).  I have been known to take my ogling to new levels when I have had a beer or two in me.  Just being in the club atmosphere period makes me a happy person.  First, (back to the touching) there is a lot of people there and you can’t help but be touched (well, there are other kinds of touching going on, but not encouraged, nor what I mean here!).  Secondly, there are hundreds of guys to stare at, and its rare for any of them to catch me in the act (hell, after two kids, no one looks at my anymore).  Like a dog finding a meat truck turned over on the highway.  People are so busy taking care of those hurt in the accident that no one cares about the mutt who runs off with several t-bones.  YUM. 

Ahhhhhh, til next time, only two left!

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pictures be damned…

I am tired of putting you guys on hold…so I am going to forge through and finish up what I said I would do.  I am incredibly lazy, and now that a grade isn’t on the line, I have a hard time finishing up.

So – I will be done by Tuesday the 3rd.  I will be 28, and I figure that’s as good of a day as any, so here goes!

 

Deployment Life:  POV Touch

This one entry has caused me heartache since I first decided to write about the five senses.  It is such a touchy subject (no pun intended) that I was hesitant to even begin writing about it – but I will try.

The human touch is a powerful thing.  The lack of said touch can hinder development in babies, and the wrong kind of touch can hinder the emotional development of adolescents.  Upon entering an elevator we automatically position ourselves equidistance from each other so that we can avoid touching those that we don’t know.  Some people aren’t touchers period, and some people are touching you all the time.  Unfortunately, I don’t know any of them right now.

I live thousands of miles from my family.  I have friends here, and I socialize, I am not touched by anyone with a hand that is not smeared with peanut butter or toothpaste.  Do not misunderstand, I am thankful for what I do receive from my children.  We are an affectionate family, and its really reassuring for my emotional sense of well-being during deployments. However, its not the same as the touches I would usually receive from my husband (or my family back home for that matter).  His hand passing across my back as the DH goes to the refrigerator…a long hug upon getting home from work…constant contact as we lay beside each other drifting off to sleep…bumping butts as we are trying to both brush our teeth in that tiny bathroom of ours.  Intentional or not, that constant touch is really missed once it disappears. 

Two months into the deployment I had some issues with my neck and migraines, and I ended up going to a massage therapist.  As she is doing her job, I damn near fell off the table when her hands began to massage my lower back.  It was not inappropriate, but it had been so long since someone had come NEAR my butt that I was genuinely surprised. Every now and then a coworker will bump up against me accidently, and I pause.  Honestly, I feel like that person who has quit smoking, but inhales deeply when someone who smokes is near them, so that they can get the full affect of the aroma they gave up. Yeah, sort of like that, but with touch.  It makes me feel a little creepy. 

 

In a few days I will be celebrating my birthday with another trip the massage therapist.  I can’t help but feel a little dirty, but hopefully I can get past that this time.

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gosh

I am lazy – I will have something for you soon – I really want some pictures to post, too, and that takes more time for me 🙂

Side note – School starts tomorrow night – EVERYONE SEND ME YOUR STRENGTH! I mean really, what do you need it for? 🙂

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The first time the DH deployed, I didn’t realize just how much he contributed to the smell of our home.  I assumed our smell was from most of the (horrible) cooking I did, nasty diapers, and a big ole’ husky in the great Louisiana heat.  Over the following months, and the following deployments, I have come to recognize the value of his smells and the ability of the human nose (even on a bad day!).  The most obvious is his shampoo and soap.  The DH is the type of person than can take a shower, and then four hours later I can still smell that soap smell without having to lay my nose directly on his skin.  His body just holds this wonderfully manly smell in and emits it in slow, flavorful bursts.  Along with that, however, is his body’s ability to hold in nasty smells from time in the field.  It also is emitted in slow bursts, yet it’s not such a desirable flavor.  It is logical to recognize (and take for granted) those smells while your DH is here, however once he deploys your home slowly becomes void of those manly-soapy smells that are uniquely his.  You won’t immediately miss it, either.  Not until you are flat out crying on the floor of the shower (because you used his shampoo) that you realize how much you tie the that smell.  Like Pavlov’s dogs, that smell would lead to some other memory that leads you to bawling like a baby on the floor.  It is after incidents like that when you remove his toiletry items for fear of smelling that brink of crazy-loneliness again.

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smell

 

I am grocery shopping in the Commissary while on the phone with my girlfriend.  I am reliving the latest FRG drama that we have had to endure this deployment cycle when I lose my mind completely.  I forget where I am, I have forgotten who is on the phone, or even what day it is.  I have crossed paths with some unlucky individual who happens to be wearing my DH’s cologne.  His cologne, his deodorant, hell, maybe he wiped with scented toilet paper, I don’t know.  I do know that I have only one thought and that it takes everything I have left in me to (1) keep my clothes on, and (2) not drool at the mouth.  I am quickly reminded of Edward and Bella and the whole your blood sings for me business.  Can you smell horniness?  Maybe not. 

 

 

 

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I miss the smell of someone (my DH) cooking.  It’s not the smell of food in the house.  Instead it is the smell while I am entering the house that is the most heartwarming.  It gives way to the notion that the houses exists for others (other than myself), and that it can house those individuals while I am not in it.  Currently, the only smell I am getting is Eau’de-dog-in-the-kennel.  Yum.

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I miss the smell that his skin leaves in the bed.  Regardless of the sex smell, just the HUMAN smell of someone other than myself.  Other pheromones, other skin cells, other matter…not just mine!  I often wonder what he thinks when we returns to a house that no longer smells as it did when he left.  Or has he been gone so long that he can’t remember the old smell until it comes around again?  I usually keep shirts that he has worn and then sleep with them in the bed.  Over time, however, I change their smell and the meaning goes out the door with it. 

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Don’t get me wrong – I don’t stink – but I am tired of smelling myself.

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what’s it like?

As a military spouse during a time of deployments, I am often asked, “what is it like,” or “how do you do it?”  It wasn’t until I read the series of posts by Army of Dude describing his answer to the same question (but aimed at Soldiers in combat), that I fully settled on a good way to answer the questions.  This next week, I will be posting at least 5 or 6 times, addressing how life is, and how we wonderful women chug along during deployments. I expect this to be my great finale.  With my upcoming semester, I expect the need to produce something edible (worth reading, lol) would not be very compatible with my work load, class schedule, and normal motherly duties, not to mention my regularly scheduled dates with Karma (a.k.a. Doom).

So keep your eyes open for the final installments of Married, but Single.

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